Tuesday, June 2, 2009

affair

we are the silhouette's best shadow.
the great silent.
stitched between black and blacker,
our lips stick
permanent.


the hardwood floor--
it tastes of vinegar
and nothing more.

3 comments:

  1. I would almost take this out:

    (this slum is rather fitting)

    unless it is important to the meaning, because I think the wording of every other line is far superior. LOVE this: "it tastes of vinegar/and nothing more"

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  2. yeah, i actually agree. i didn't really like that line but i thought it needed something else. i'll try to think of something.

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  3. No, I think it really doesn't need anything between the two stanzas! :D

    ReplyDelete